Knowing Me Even More

Knowing me, knowing you
It's the best I can do.
- Abba

Well, that last post was just so bloomin' fun, that I'm going to continue it, like a part 2 or something. Isn't this exciting? Makes you glad you got up today, huh?
I'll try and answer 6 questions today, which added to the life-changing 7 from Monday gives a total of, let me see, 12 carry the one, that's 13. So, when you think about me, the man behind the Shame, and you say let me count the ways, then you know where you're headed - 13.

8. Why do I wear my wedding ring on my right hand? Shucks, good question. I've had folks ask me if I was Europeeing, to which I said el no. One folk asked me if I was gay, to which I said I try to be happy all the time. One little girl in a church I pastored asked if I was married to God, which was probably the most creative of all I've heard. I said well, no, but we are in love. The true reason, drum roll please, is that I have a webbed finger on my left hand, at the base of ringman, and I can't get a ring past my knuckle, nope, just won't happen.

9. Who would I be if I could be a television character? Lord, that's easy. John Walton, of course, from The Waltons. I absolutely love that television series. To watch it now makes you wonder how it ever made prime time space. John Walton loves his family, as I do. He loves his parents, as I do. He's not beyond taking a nip of the recipe, as I'm not beyond. He always seems to be on the brink of financial ruin, as I am. He's got good friends; me too. And his evenings of choice are filled with sitting in the rocker, reading, and listening to the radio. Lord, what a man. Oh, I almost forgot. And the man keeps goats. I'm not there yet, but one of these days, one of these days...

10. A piece of information that I once shared and it backfired? Again, easy as pie. In my younger days, I listened to John Cougar Mellencamp and when Jack and Diane came out, well, I thought it was the berries. My dad walked by my room once when I had the Coug cranked up and asked me about the song. All he heard was the chorus, about hold on to sixteen and such. Come Sunday, my pastor-father used those lines in an illustration about seizing the day or living for the moment. He didn't fully check his sources. I'm pretty sure some of his congregants that day knew the rest of the song, as in, the verses. Yeah, that sorta backfired on us, those Bobbie Brooks and all. It's still a great song though.

11. Highest degree you've earned? I have a Masters of Divinity degree. That sounds incredibly arrogant, no? As Annie Dillard is fond of saying: I don't know beans about God.

12. Favorite meal? My girlfriend makes something called Chicken Eden Isle. It's served over rice and is full of sour cream and dried beef and cream of chicken soup and well, chicken. The rest of the plate is full of Le Sueur peas backstroking in that Edenesque broth and hot Pillsbury crescent rolls with real butter dripping down their hips. A little pepper on it all, yes everything, and wash it down with tea sweet enough to rot your molars. Heaven on a placemat, dear reader. Heaven on a placemat. If wearing your wedding ring on your right hand is ever deemed a crime worthy of death row, then that's my last meal menu. I'll die married and happy.

13. If this writer thing goes south and you never get published, what then? Well, I'd like to be a crossing guard at a school zone. I hear there's not much money in it, but I'm quite used to that reality. The hours are good though. You get to wear a vest. You can sit in a lawn chair as the morning yawns. And, most attractively to me, you have the power to stop time, stop those fire breathing dragons as they barrel down the street, hell bent on leather and being on time. Yes, you raise your crimson, octagonal sword and the beasts, they must yield. And as they do, those still so fresh from God safely pass over to the other side, with not a care in the world as they walk the painted zone, for they have total faith that you, the crossing guard, are someone to watch over them. And as the children cross, you can make eye contact with the Pontiac Vibe that's revving her engine and let your eyes do the talking: Keep your skirt on, sis. There's things in this world worth stopping for and lo and behold they're walking right in front of you. If your foot should slip off the brake and your Vibe lunge ahead, then know that I, the crossing guard, will lay down my life for these my friends. It's what I do.