Several days ago, my girlfriend's dad heard a doctor say maybe pancreatic cancer; we'll have to do some tests. He's to have his test this coming Monday and we'll know something more then. For him, for her, for all of us, it's been days of uncertainty.
I don't know what this day will bring
Will it be disappointing, filled with longed for things?
I don't know what tomorrow holds...
A friend was flying in from New York yesterday. He arrived in Dallas to delays, and mechanical problems, and a flight schedule run amuck. Finally, he landed in Co Springs after a day of amuck. Another friend will fly out this morning with his family to visit his brother in CA. His brother, his little brother, is in the midst of cancer treatments.
I don't know if these clouds mean rain
If they do, will they pour down blessing or pain?
I don't know what the future holds...
My girlfriend and I stayed up to watch The Family Stone last night. It's the story of holidays and plans and kids and life and a mother celebrating her last Christmas with her family. If your girdle's on tight, it's got enough to offend you. But I don't wear girdles. One pivotal scene has Sarah Jessica Parker and Luke Wilson in bed as the snow slowly falls on the skylight above them. She begins humming the refrain repeat the sounding joy, repeat the sounding joy.
I don't know how or when I'll die
Will it be a thief, or will I have a chance to say goodbye?
No, I don't know how much time is left...
The lyrics in this post are from the song Faithfulness by Brian Doerksen. I got to spend time yesterday with Brian and his wife; it was a gift. He said John, the life of faith is about learning to trust. That's it. Brian prayed for sons that would sit around and discuss philosophy and theology with him. His two sons have Fragile X Syndrome; they don't talk much, if at all, but they hug and kiss their dad alot. Brian wrote the song after one of them was born.
None of my children have Fragile X Syndrome. But my youngest got in bed with us early this morning, head full of fever...
You could read this post and get up all shitfaced on melancholia, maybe even go back to bed and pull the covers over your eyes. Or, you could wade into this day remembering that the best-laid plans of mice and men and mothers and friends and fathers-in-law and Sarah Jessica and Brian and John gang aft agley. We don't have the foggiest idea what this day will hold; we are, all of us, fragile. But if we are people of faith, real faith, then we get up and brush our teeth and feed the dog and commute to work and face the day. And we trust. That's it.
Surer than a mother's tender love
Surer than the stars still shine above
I can rest in your faithfulness.
Repeat the sounding joy...repeat the sounding joy...