It's Not Easy...But It's Not Hard

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?" 

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.

"The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."

 - Marjorie Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit 

If I were to write a book about the meaning of life, which I might have a mind to one of these days, then I'd begin with the excerpt above from The Velveteen Rabbit.  The excerpt above contains three truths that I've long believed in and here, at 42 years young, I believe in even more.  I could have chosen another story to illustrate these truths for I believe they are in the best stories and movies and comic books and front-porch-late-evening-tales.  But Velveteen sums them up for me with clarity, always a good thing.  That clarity allows us easy access to the truth about a meaningful life, as in "it's not hard."  It also affords us the truth about a meaningful life, as in "it's not easy."  But it can be done.

Here they are, my three truths for life, along with a little commentary because, well, I like to write:

1. Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time..."  **I believe a meaningful life is found in letting folks love you.  It doesn't have to be a child necessarily, but children or the childlike are definitely good prospects.  It's opening yourself up to someone else, not just once or even twice, but as old Skin Horse said, "for a long, long time."  Now you might find that almost embarrassing it's so simple and that's fine.  But here, in the middle of my life, based on what I've witnessed thus far, I believe we're either continually opening ourselves to others or were gradually closing ourselves off; there's very little, if any, middle ground.  And just for the record, seeing as how this post feels all important and such, I firmly believe that if you can't let flesh and blood love you, then any talk of letting God love you is just blunderbuss; that dog won't hunt.  Now, astute reader that you are, you might ask Why wouldn't I let someone love me?  I'm glad you astutely asked for it leads us, if you're still willing to come along, to the second truth.

2. "Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse...

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?" 

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby..." **We close ourselves off to love because sometimes, it hurts.  To stay open to love for the duration of this life, well, that may just be the most valiant thing there is, something that would garner after-life words like well done.  You have to learn how to forgive, which is one of the facets of love.  Folks will love your hair off but it may happen by them pulling it out and causing you to do the same.  Folks will say and do things that'll make your eyes drop out of their sockets forcing you, after time, to look at life differently.  You'll get loose in the joints because folks will make demands on you and you'll be yanked in this direction and that and somedays you won't know whether you're coming or going.  Such is a meaningful life.  The alternative is living a life that has "to be carefully kept."  Letting yourself be loved means moving in the direction of "shabby."  If the rabbit is a little too soft for your taste, think man hanging on a cross, hair and beard pulled out multiple times, eyes hanging from their sockets but still attached enough to see and say forgive, joints stretched so that arms wide open took on a whole new meaning, and well, yeah...love will leave you shabby.  If you're trying to finish this race like some Olympic athlete, muscles juiced on a psychotherapeutic approach to life, all in one piece with proper boundaries and all, then you might just get the gold, but what doth it profit a man or a woman or a rabbit...but for every moment when someone pulls your hair out, a child just might stroke your head or cheek and you'll be undone and for every time your eyes drop out of their sockets, there'll be times when you can't believe your eyes at the tenderness a spouse or friend can give in a moment and for all the wear and tear your joints take over the years, there's a limber glory your life can acquire that can cause you to pause and say grace is everywhere.  Not too shabby, huh?

3. "...but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."  **This one gets a little dicey because you start talking salvation and folks pull out their books and notes and tapes and doctrines and slide rules.  I'll say this much, alright.  I believe letting folks love you in this life is intimately connected to any kind of afterlife.  As I said, if you can't let flesh and blood love you, then loud pronouncements about how much God loves you is just noise; sorry, but that's how I see it.  In the end or beginning or however the story goes, there's only love.  I realize that sounds new-agey and mystical and far too generous.  But I believe there's only love and it lasts for always.  And you and I and even the rabbits have the chance to get started in the here and now and live a life that just might mean something rather than ending up good for nothing.

If I were to write a book on the meaning of life, which I might just have a mind to one of these days, then that's how I would begin.  Those truths are not easy to live, but they're not hard.