[I live just outside of Colorado Springs; based on the number of Christian ministries there, it is the evangelical equivalent of Mecca]
Well, I figured it would be a rather quiet week here in Lake Sinbegone. Summer's here and folks are staycationing, renting Benjamin Button and all. But bless God, I am always surprised. On Tuesday, Focus on the Family president Jim Daly announced that male employees no longer had to wear business attire, including neckties, and female employees can now wear those snappy pantsuits like Hil Clin. According to one report, employees stood and shouted hallelujah! in response to the good news. Some of them wanted to lift holy hands and turn on the new fog machine, but around here, one thing at time, please.
However, the most liberating aspect of Tuesday's news was permission for the ladies at Focus to take off their pantyhose. They were expressly urged to do this once they got home, but then, once they were off, they could leave 'em off. Apparently the proof for this text was Song of Solomon 7.1 - "How beautiful are your feet in sandals." (NASB) In some of those newfangled transphrases it reads "Nice toe cleavage, sis." Focus spokeswoman Lisa Anderson said, "...easing up on formal attire also will...encourage tourists to hobnob with Focus employees."
I must say my rocking chair missed a rock when I heard the word hobnob. Dear lord in heaven. Sweet Merriam-Webster describes the archaic word thusly: "to drink sociably" - the etymology from the obsolete phrase drink hobnob, to drink alternately to one another. Now I don't believe Anderson had drink hobnob in mind when she chose that word, but there are slippery black diamond slopes, there really are, and I can foresee thousands, maybe even millions, of tourists showing up on the hill this summer expecting free Fat Tire from ladies perched on legs sans hose. From a distance such as my porch, I'm having visions of the wayward Hebrew children dancing 'round the golden beast on liberated thighs and a nicely toned calf or two. Mercy.
Focus tour-guide (concerned): Please, folks, don't you want to come in and watch the Dobsonmentary. It's quite comprehensive.
Tourists (smiling): Nope, we're good. God bless America and God bless hobnobbin'.