Multiple Conversion Personality

"The last experience of God is frequently the greatest obstacle to the next experience of God. We make an absolute out of it and use it to strengthen our ego, to self-aggrandize and self-congratulate. Then, of course, nothing more happens. That's why Jesus repeats the admonition to conversion. We need to be converted again and again. We aren't born again. We are born again and again and again." - Richard Rohr

I grew up in a faith tradition that stressed the doctrine of "once saved, always saved." The core of that doctrine emphasizes the trusting stance that Jesus' grip on me is stronger than my grip on him. But I now see this doctrine as possibly being an impediment to my spiritual growth. "Impediment" - good grief, who uses that word? I now see this as possibly screwing up my journey to God. If I've done it once, then I'm good - right? Or could I need to be, as Rohr suggests, saved again?

I also grew up in a tradition that stressed the rehearsal of one's testimony, that place and time when you met the Lord. And, if you were a reprobate prior to that, you would share the pit out of which Jesus pulled you. I was six when Jesus whispered my name. Wetting my pants every once in a while was my only vice. I still believe holding onto that spot and minute to be a beneficial thing; a landmark of sorts. However, I also now see it as keeping God boxed into whatever form it was when I first experienced him. If I'm always trying to get back that lovin' feeling, I'm cutting myself off from the other feelings that God wants to introduce or convert me to. How about that suffering feeling? Or that liberated feeling? There's always that gratitude feeling and that hot-blooded feeling and that scared-to-death feeling...

I used to look down on folks who were constantly going down the aisle and getting saved again. And again. And again. Couldn't they get it right, just believe and move on? I'm sorry for those feelings. I now wonder if those multiple-conversion-personalities might not have had it right? Maybe they kept bumping into new experiences of or with God and they wanted everyone to know about it. I used to think their testimonies shallow and flighty. I now see that they were really deep and wide. Deep and wide. Unless you're born again...