Some of you commented with answers to those questions from the last post. You're a brave bunch; that's why I like you so much. That self-worth stuff is a tough one. I can go for weeks feeling a sense of confidence in who I am and what I'm to be doing and then bam! one word from the right (maybe wrong) person and I'm three steps back. Please know I'm not talking about thinking that I'm God's gift to the planet or anything; I'm talking about believing that I belong, that I matter, that my self has worth.
Another tough aspect of the self-worth thing is that there may be a consensus of voices out there conspiring against me, but many days the chorus of voices within are the ones shouting the loudest. I've said it before and I'll say it again, self-hatred is a monkey on the backs of us all. And some days, it's a jungle in here.
As to that second question, I really believe the advice I'd give to graduating college seniors would be: choose your life. Maybe it's more clearly stated as know the things you love, and go after them, so that when you lay your head on the pillow at night and you re-collect the day, you're able to say when I had the choice today, I chose the things I love.
I know that gets shaky and like someone commented, our vices can be rather, well, vicey. But even beneath those vices, I believe lies desire, albeit screwed-up a little, but it still can reveal something about us and the longings of our heart. It takes some wrestling to get beneath those vices, maybe the length of a lifetime; that's why courage is so very, very important, both for ourselves and those we call friend.
There are days when it just seems I cannot choose or something or someone is choosing otherwise for me. I trust you know what I mean. Foggy Blogger (always appreciate your comments, my friend) mentioned the classic predestined/freewill debate. FB, I'm at the point in life where instead of Calvin and Arminius, I'm putting my money on Calvin and Hobbes, wherein I find such truths as these: Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help and What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?
Some days, life'll choose for you, but if you get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you'll wear the sombrero.
Adios, amigos.
John whenever you can quote Calvin and Hobbes in your blog, please feel free, it makes those of us at the bar feel, well, cared for. As i am wrapped these days in the existential blanket of "choosing my life" thanks for making my choosing a bit more wise sounding and not some bad descent into a free will abyss.
ReplyDelete"I can go for weeks feeling a sense of confidence in who I am and what I'm to be doing and then bam! one word from the right (maybe wrong) person and I'm three steps back. Please know I'm not talking about thinking that I'm God's gift to the planet or anything; I'm talking about believing that I belong, that I matter, that my self has worth."
ReplyDeleteYesssss. I lurve your last sentence, specifically the part about your self having worth. I always tell my kids that they are awesome because of who they are and whose they are...(they don't mind my grammar)
I wonder why I can so easily not only say that, but believe it for them, but for me? notsomuch (at times...)
Maybe it's a trust issue? Maybe, god forbid, it's a narcissistic issue?
I know this...sometimes being a muller-overer or a thinks-a-loter deprives me of open acceptance of myself and, probably of total trust in Him. I look at young children and those who are cognitively "slower" who know God, and the embrace is so pure.
Perhaps I'm way off here...that's the way we muller-overers are. At times we take quantum leapsters.
I have been pondering your questions as to give an honest and open response...I think you said it all in your description of self worth on today's post. I believe that is exactly how, if I was gifted enough to word it, I would have responded.
ReplyDeleteThe second question of if I am living the life that I would choose? That is a broad question. Kind of reminded me of the "If cost were no object, where would you go on vacation..." sort of thing. Yes, I am living as a mom and wife how I would choose. I fail sometimes and would love to be perfect, but that is reality.
I would choose a different geographical destination than where we are at right now. It has taken a lot within me to find contentment here in VA...purpose is evident and abundant so I am living as fully as I am able; but our hearts are still found somewhere in the mountains of CO. I am discovering more and more of what I am gifted in and what my "sweet spot" is vocationally so I am setting small goals now to help to set the course for later...when the kids are older. I feeling like I am "in training" for fulfilling desires God is laying upon my heart.
As long as Calvin isn't peeing on something; I am a fan!
As a fellow Calvin and Hobbes fan.. (someday i'll be able to afford the Ultimate Collection that taunts me at Amazon.com) i have to insist that I can wear the sombrero with my spaceman spiff suit!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the thoughtful, posts,i enjoy reading and commenting on them! May you find a spot of peace and rest this week.