Sunday morning comin' down. I promised myself that today would be a Sabbath. Really. Last week, I worked all day Sunday; writing, mowing. Started the week on Monday so damn tired I could hardly make it. Lived most of the week half-assed. And I believe it was all because I didn't rest on Sunday. I've tried to do Sabbaths on other weekdays, back when I was a pastor. But there's something about Sunday that I believe is special; it's intended to be the day of rest - Tuesdays just aren't the same.
So I'm going to rest today. I'm going in to church for awhile, reconnect with folks and God. Communion is very significant to me these days; I try not to miss it. The sermon might be mediocre, but I can dream while he's preaching. This afternoon? Well, maybe a little writing, just because I'm so far behind in a project, but I won't sit all afternoon long, looking at a screen, while my heart grows weary. I won't. I can't. Maybe I can take a nap this afternoon. Napping - what a forgotten art. One of my most favorite men in the world takes a nap every day after lunch - every day. He's one of the most productive souls on the planet. People know not to bother him between 12:30 and 1pm; he's napping. Sabbathing, I guess; even on Tuesdays.
The line from the movie I watched (half-watched) last night was, "Life in every breath." That's how I want to live today, savoring life in everything from my cup of coffee (I'm on number two now) to the lean-in to take communion wine to the roughhousing with my kids this afternoon to the holding of hands around the dinner table while we say grace to the now I lay me down to sleep at day's end. Life in every breath. Hard? Goodness, yes. Worth it? Goodness, yes. I think I'll go read the paper before showering up for the day. See what's going on in the world, see if somebody, somewhere out there is savoring life in every breath. Maybe there's one. Just one. I think Abraham Heschel, or however you spell his last name, said something about the Sabbath being a sanctuary in time. He's the guy who wrote the book on why bad things happen to good people. Maybe it's because they don't Sabbath; they don't rest enough. Maybe these good people, like me, wind up starting many Mondays half-assed and the fraction goes down as the week goes on. By Friday, we're one-eighth-assed; can't do much good with that, huh? We just keep dipping from the well, assured it will never run dry. But it does. Sabbaths are days to get your ass filled back up or your heart or your soul or maybe I'm talking about the same thing, just different names. It's a safe place to get your fraction back up to 1 again; a "whole" number. That's what I want today - to be filled back up, made whole, or at least get close to 3/4 or 7/8 or something. Taking life in every breath is probably the way to fill back up. If you took it in every breath, why hell, you might go beyond 1 - you might start a Monday with 1 and 4/5 or 2 and 1/3. That'd be starting your week out at a trot. Yes, I'm going to Sabbath today. Don't call me; I'm not going to answer the phone. And if you see me breathing funny, it's because I'm trying to take in life, in every breath, in every step. Live fully alive. Forgive me, Father, for breaking the commandment to keep the Sabbath. You knew I needed it.